Tuesday, July 14, 2009 ' 4:45 AM Y
i can't deny that i don't miss those times ♥
i dunno hw to explain to u hw much im afraid of e word WAIT~ or maybe i shld say it.. its jst like hw u're afraid of hw ur ex gf treats u~ maybe this post shall explained everything.
3 years ago, a guy hug me in his arms, told me hw much he loved me~ blah blah blah~ n suddenly, (still hugging me) he told me.. i still cant forget abt my ex.. baober, u knw i loved u very much.. i promised to give u my everything. n i really did. but i jst cant forget abt e 4 years plus r/s i had with her. I want u, but, i want her too.. (sounds familiar?) i rmb i cried until like nobody business. den, he whishper into my ears, baober, will u WAIT for me? i promised i'll be back. he told me, baober, ltr i'll send u home 1st. den u WAIT at home for me okay? i go meet my friends awhile. i'll be back soon. true enough, he came back to look for me. but its like mre den 12 hours? best part was, when he came back to look for me, he told me tt he actually went to look for his ex gf. n they actually patched up le.
But still, baober, i knw u're sad.. im sad too. cux i love u. u're irreplacable. jst tt, i cant forget her. How silly i was tt time to tell him tt i dun mind if he patch with tt girl. so long, he still loves me n stay by my side. i believe all e things he said. he even promised to celebrate my bday with me (which is 1 mth ltr.) ends up, before he left my huse (shall not go in details wat happened) he gave me a kiss on my forehead, baober, WAIT for me okay? e most 1 year. i'll spend as much time with u as i can. dun cry anymre alright? i love u~ i'll be back at night keep u accompany. okay? i promised. BUT, he went, n nvr comes back.
we have a private blog during tt time, i blog everyday, jst to let him knw hw much i misses him. finally 1 day. he replied my post. baober, im glad tt u're doing well now. i still rmb ur bday. no worries. LOL once hes gone, hes nvr back. i went in depression becux of him. cried everyday.. 19 days w/0 eating anything at all. jst a can of pokka grn tea, gd enough to make me tahan for 1 whole day.. sometimes, 1/2 can of grn tea, can make me throw out everything. 14 days for not sleeping at all. whenever i closed my eyes, i'll see him. i rmb everything he told me. especially e word WAIT. i used all sorts of tools to hurt myself every single day. jst to forget e pain in my <3.
i've WAITED for him 2 years. (silly huh?) even i knw he's not coming back anymre..
then, here comes my tw bf.. we've been tgt for 1 yr plus? whatever happens between me n him, i shall cut it very very short. he said he will come sg find me, but everytimes he said this. he failed to do this. he told me he'll be taking which flight to sg. but somethings crop up in e airport. n i WAITED for him at e airport for mre den 8 hours! still, i din manage to see him tt time.
He went MIA aft we patched up. i can say i dun love him anymre. but.. is not becux he went MIA, tt's why i dun love him anymre. jst tt i promised some1 else something. fine~ i WAITED for 3 months jst to contact him or WAITED for him to contact me. i jst wanna say e word brk to him. yet, till now.. i cant reach him at all. even his friends also siam me. wat u wan me to do? seriously, i thinks he wanna revenge me for saying brk to him during march. why? i dunno. maybe becux he's too confident tt i wont say brk to him. i can say he's e most perfect guy in e world tt any girls would fall for him. He's fking rich, fking handsome. fking caring. fking clever too. but e bad thing is, he's fking bz.. WORST, he likes to ask ME to WAIT. but at e end of e day, im like an idiot waiting for nth~
now, i tot i've found u~ n yet, u also ask me to WAIT. i knw u wont let me WAIT for a long long time. but its still WAIT right? i tried my very best, not to make u rmb of wat ur ex did to u. i din even ask much things abt ur ex. (except for e reason for e brkup.) but have u spared a thought for me? there's something i fear most. there's something i hate most in r/s. maybe u're right, we dunno each other well.
u said u're not like any of them. but u're hurting me e way they did years back or rather recently.
i cant throw temper at u when u told me u need some times to knw me better n u're afraid of wat happened between u n her will happen agn, cux i knw excatly hw u feels. (becux i've been thru it before) i cant tell u im not feeling gd when u asked me to wait. cux i knw u feel bad, n i dun wanna make u feel worst.
if u told me u're angry jst now, i think i'll be very happy. at least i knw u care~ but u insisted tt u're not angry. =)
night~
things are not RIGHT now, so i shall keep left~ in order not to make things worst~
im gg to see dor ltr, cux having fever now.. above 37.7 (fever + cough + sore throat)
guys, anything pls call me. dun text me pls. cux i might not be able to reply ur msg when im sleeping. thks~
